Rhino Wrestler Newsletter - Distributed semi-monthly by Rhoberta Shaler,
PhD & Optimize! Institute
Visit
Website• Shop
Online • Take
the Core Values Profile
|
Hello, %$firstname$%! It’s spring. A time for new beginnings and fresh starts. All those lovely little green shoots are peeking out from trees, shrubs and soil, testing the appropriateness of their timing. In many parts of North America, they are not enjoying what they see, shuddering under an unexpected blanket of snow. Taking my cue from those little green shoots, I started to think about the appropriateness of timing and wrote today’s article, There is a Good Time to Shut Up. I would like to respond to issues that are timely for you, too. If there is a topic you want more information about or an answer to a pressing workplace question, I invite you to write to me and I’ll happily respond in the next issue of the Rhino Wrestler. The whole purpose of this newsletter is to be helpful to you. Just send your question along to me at RS@OptimizeInstitute.com Workplace People Skills certification program!Want to feel comfortable, competent and competent in any situation requiring communication or conflict management? Have a look at our Workplace People Skills programs and enhance your skills. Take a teleseminar or bring a program to your workplace. To find out more about Workplace People Skills and how it can benefit your organization...In this Issue:
KEEP READING…. Thankfully, my phone has been ringing! People are finding my website at www.OptimizeInstitute.com and asking for help mediating trouble spots and turning work groups into high-performance teams. They want to improve the odds of getting the right people in the right places for the right reason at the right time and have heard about the Core Values Profile, www.CoreValuesProfile.com for hiring and team-building. It’s exciting. Let me know if I can help you with anything. I’d love to do that for you. Just a closing thought about “people skills”: We are not born with them and we may think we’re supposed to have them all down pat by now. Not so! Not many of us have been lucky enough to be raised by or met excellent communicators, negotiators and conflict managers. (I’ll bet some interesting and, perhaps painful, images just came to mind!), so, where would we have picked up our people skills? Shoring them up with the information and insights systematic training provides is a very wise choice. I’ve made it easy for you at www.WorkplacePeopleSkills.com You never even have to leave your desk to get the programs you know would enhance your life, relationships and career. What could be simpler? Oh, and, if you don’t see the very specific help you need, just write to me and I’ll see what I can add. RS@OptimizeInstitute.com Enjoy these first days of spring. Welcome the green shoots and the first brave flowers. If you are still playing in snow, enjoy that, too! And, remember, There is a Good Time to Shut Up! Rhoberta Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES
IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:THERE IS A GOOD TIME TO SHUT UP! No, I’m not advocating the silent treatment! That is just wrong--a control tactic for people with poor communication skills. The silent treatment eliminates any hope of collaboration or co-creation while creating hard feelings that last and last. It is, though, very important to know when to shut up—to end the conversation before things get worse. There is a major difference between intelligent silence and learned unresponsiveness. Many people shut down as a noncommittal way of handling potentially painful conversations. For instance, if I admit to using the postage meter for my personal correspondence, I might get yelled at. If I lie, then, I’ll feel guilty. If I say nothing, it might blow over, or the supervisor’s attention may be drawn to something…preferably someone…else. The kind of silence we react to most is calculated aggression. “I refuse to speak when what others want or need from me most is communication.” That is a nasty control tactic that drives people nuts—and drives them away! It has only a very short-term benefit and the potential for long-term problems. “At work, people may avoid me…but only for as long as they look for a way to get rid of me.” “When I clam up, I can evade myself. I do not have to come to grips with my thoughts, feelings or fears if I do not articulate them.” This can be a personal safety tactic, however, it will stop any progress you may desire in both your personal and workplace relationships. Shyness may factor into this, but it has a cost. A passive approach to the workplace, hoping that people can read your mind, give you what you want and need, or unearth your skills and ideas is no way to advance. If you are waiting to be ‘discovered’ in this way, you will likely be disappointed. That could cause you to fume internally and make yourself sick and miserable. So, what to do? How do you know when to fall silent for the good of all? How do you tell what silence means when you are faced with it? It is not wise to decide what another person’s silence means. It can be difficult to find out, however, you must persist if the relationship has value or must be preserved. There are two kinds of silence, the result of ‘shut down’ or ‘shut up’: ‘Shut down’ occurs when a person closes up, refuses to communicate and/or turns within. It can come from fear, concern, a desire to control or, simply, lack of communication skills, confidence or ideas. ‘Shut up’ is having the wisdom to keep the mouth closed when opening it would cause more problems than it would solve. In all cases, before you ‘shut up’, clearly let the other person know why you are choosing to do so at that time. It is up to you to distinguish for your communication partner(s) that you are exercising wisdom in managing your communication and to tell them what you will do next to further the relationship and the discussion. WHAT TO DO IN THE FACE OF ‘SHUT DOWN’:
WHEN TO ‘SHUT UP’ FOR THE GOOD OF ALL…PARTICULARLY YOURSELF.
Remember, though, it is important to communicate your reasons before you shut up. That makes all the difference. It is pro-active, intelligent and thoughtful. There is wisdom in knowing when to speak and when not to. Shutting down is not a strength; shutting up certainly can be. Know the difference and be wise. There is a good time to shut up! * Learn more about Managing Difficult People from our new audio series – download mp3 seminars instantly and get on the right track today. © Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved. This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com |
Volume 4, Issue
2 - %$today$% Get this from a friend? Get your own subscription at www.OptimizeInstitute.com RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONSThe revised & expanded 2nd Edition of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work is now available. An excellent book on specific communication, conflict & anger management and negotiation skills…available right when you need them. It's a great book to give to every person on your staff. Then, you can all find ways to 'play nicely together in the company sandbox'! We all need these skills and we usually did not learn them at home. Equip yourself right away and calm your communications. Want to read more from Dr. Shaler?HERE’S HER NEW BOOK…
You can READ MORE ABOUT IT AND BUY YOUR OWN COPY AT WWW.SOULSOLITUDE.com
12 Key Interpersonal Communication Skills Companies Seek:
Research by Thomas Hajduk We offer teleseminars, coaching, books and MP3 seminars on all of the skills above. Call or visit us today and find out how you can become a master communicator. www.OptimizeInstitute.com
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION© This newsletter is the property and copyright of Rhoberta Shaler, PhD and Optimize! Institute. Please honor our copyright. If you would like to publish one of our articles, in your print or electronic newsletter or journal, or, you would like to include it for your website visitors, you may do so IF THE copyright/ resource information is kept in tact. Thank you. Make it an optimized day!
The Rhino Wrestler™ is a publication of Optimize! Institute. Published by People Skills Press. © 1998-2008 Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
|
