Rhino Wrestler Newsletter - Distributed semi-monthly by Rhoberta Shaler, PhD & Optimize! Institute
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Happy New Year!

This is a time of new beginnings and new resolve, a time to lift our sights and improve. Whether this means creating new habits or acquiring new skills, it is a time of hope and enthusiasm for better results.

I’ve missed writing to you as I was learning a big lesson in the past few months: there are only twenty-four hours in the day no matter how much I would like to think I had more. Not rocket science!

I was working in Manhattan for most of the last three months of 2006, far from my San Diego home. When I undertook the contract with my partner to create a strategic plan and act as general management for a small company in addition to my speaking and other coaching and consulting, I felt certain that I would have no problem fitting in my writing. I was wrong. Now, I’m back and very glad to be resuming The Rhino Wrestler. Thanks for waiting for me so patiently.

In this Issue:

• Feature Article: How To Handle Bullies At Work
• Upcoming Events
• Inspiring Words for Your Post-It™ Notes

KEEP READING….

Today’s article focuses on a problem many folks encounter: Bullies at Work. I’m sure you’ve likely run into such a rhino occasionally. These hostile, aggressive folks cast an anxiety over workplaces that results in way too many sick days. Learn a few strategies for working with and working around bullies you meet.

This past week I did a teleseminar for Kiplinger’s publications on "Managing Difficult People". Over one hundred people were on line and the questions were excellent. Soon, that seminar will be available for you to hear as well. I’ll keep you posted in the next edition. Over 90% of those listening had at least one person in mind that they considered ‘difficult’. You likely have one or two as well. When I wrote Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work, I wanted everyone to have a handbook of practical communication, conflict and anger management and negotiation skills. It’s available for you at www.OptimizeInstitute.com Click the ‘Shop’ tab at the top.

There is so much to tell you about. I’m delighted to be back with you again. Remember, I’m always happy to answer your questions. Send them to me at RS@OptimizeInstitute.com I look forward to hearing from you.

Rhoberta

P.S. Want immediate insights into the core values that drive you? Increase your self-awareness and your understanding of others. This may well be the best investment you have ever made in yourself or within your company. Take the Core Values Index™ online in ten minutes and get the results immediately. www.CoreValuesProfile.com

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Integration Catalyst
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
www.OptimizeInstitute.com
www.CoreValuesProfile.com
www.MidasThinking.com
Escondido, CA
760.735.8686

INSPIRING WORDS FOR YOUR POST-IT™ NOTES

The art of dealing with people is the foremost secret of successful men. A man’s success in handling people is the very yardstick by which the outcome of his whole life’s work is measured.

Paul C. Packer

IMPROVING YOUR WORKLIFE:

HOW TO HANDLE BULLIES AT WORK
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

He’s a bully! It sounds like something heard on a school playground or attached to gang behavior. Unfortunately, it is an all too common complaint in the workplace.

When a company hires me, my task often entails managing the bully—the hostile, aggressive person who is running rampant as a rhino. Recently, I met one who introduced herself to me in the initial interview as “a harsh personality who can be hard on people.” My ears perked up and my jaw likely dropped open at that moment. No, not from the self-knowledge this woman displayed, but rather from the admission of her awareness and her complete lack of interest in doing anything to improve her approach. She was proud of her bully status!

I wondered, too, if she thought that announcing that she was a bully was a way of giving herself permission to act like one. If you walk around thinking of yourself as a harsh personality, you’re very likely to demonstrate it on a regular basis. And, she did.

This woman—let’s call her Leslie—had a few traits you might recognize. The first day I was in the company she stalked up to my desk, maintaining eye contact all the way, and demanded:

“What are you going to do about reconfiguring the office?” When I responded that it was under consideration and would be happening soon but not that day, she asked once again. Receiving the same answer, she rolled her eyes and walked away. Over a few weeks of seeing Leslie roll her eyes, dismiss people with a wave of her hand, hear her backbiting sarcasm and know-it-all responses, and watching her hostile, aggressive behavior and its effect on the office, there was no possibility that the behavior could go unchecked. It was toxic to the productivity and health of everyone as well as to the profitability of the company.

A problem arose. The owner of the company did not want to fire her because she brought a unique combination of experience and expertise to the company. A classic dilemma in small companies! It is all too frequent that a person with no regard for either co-workers or the company holds too much information and the boss thinks of them as indispensable…while holding everyone else hostage. Big mistake!

Consider how much time and energy is lost in this company as this rhino charges and bullies her way through the day. People would take a sick day when they had had enough of her overbearing nastiness. There is only so much folks can take. Productivity suffered. Clients were lost. The costs of keeping such an individual employed are too high.

Listening to her with customers, it was not a surprise to learn that what the owner thought of as her hard-nosed negotiating was simply bullying. There is a difference.

RECOGNIZING A BULLY

A bully is a person who is habitually cruel to others she deems to be weaker than herself and uses browbeating language and behavior. Although we often think of bullies as big people dominating smaller folks, they are truly little people in every way.

• Their fear of being wrong is demonstrated by being know-it-alls. They are often condescending, patronizing or dismissive.
• Their fear of not being able to meet the needs of others causes them to never want to hear what others think, feel or want.
• Their inability and unwillingness to control their anger or their tongue causes them to make everything your fault as it could not possibly be theirs.
• Paradoxically, their self-esteem is too fragile to handle the possibility of being wrong.
• Their need to control you demonstrates their fear of being unable to control themselves.
• Their desire for power over others comes from the fear of being insignificant.
• Their attempt to boost their own flailing self-esteem is fed by treating others disrespectfully, thoughtlessly and off-handedly.
• Their fear of others causes them to assault character, focus on weaknesses and be the poster children for intimidation.

Unfortunately, these are all manifestations of a poor self-image coupled with lack of self-awareness and people skills.

HANDLING A BULLY

A good beginning when handling a bully is to begin with compassion. The last thing you may be considering is a compassionate approach. You truly want to beat him or her over the head with a blunt object and considerable force! Beginning with an understanding ... Read the rest of this article online >>>

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD All rights reserved.
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Dr. Rhoberta Shaler is an integration catalyst helping businesses prosper and people flourish. She will lead you to optimize the life of your enterprise and the enterprise of your life. A ‘people skills’ expert—a noted speaker, author, executive coach--and founder of the Optimize! Institute in Escondido, CA, Dr. Shaler works with organizations that know their people are their top resource and with leaders who know that building relationships is a top priority. She is the author of Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work as well as more than a dozen books and audio programs. Introduce yourself well with her free eBook at www.Effective-Elevator-Speech.com. Receive her monthly ezine, The Rhino Wrestler at www.OptimizeInstitute.com

This article may be reprinted or republished if the complete copyright/resource information is kept intact. For a formatted version for print, email info@optimizeinstitute.com

Excellent communication skills are essential to every person in business. That is why I wrote the book, Wrestling Rhinos: Conquering Conflict in the Wilds of Work. This book offers much more than conflict and anger management skills. It has been reviewed as "a book needed in every business library" by world-renowned speaker and sales expert, Jim Cathcart.

Written in an easy-to-read, down-to-earth style, the book uses actual scenarios and practical examples to bring you the insights and skills to manage relationships at work and turn confrontation into communication. Now in its second, expanded, English edition, Wrestling Rhinos, is currently being published in Chinese, Taiwanese and Russian.

I have created a series of seminars on the topics covered in Wrestling Rhinos. This is an excellent way for entrepreneurs, executives and employees to get the specific conflict or anger management, communication and negotiation skills they need without ever leaving their desks. These teleclasses can be customized for an industry group.

For more information on these programs, visit: www.OptimizeInstitute.com