Relationships... one of life's little mysteries.

It is possible to have a good relationship. It requires trust, honesty and equal attention and input from each partner. It is also possible to be stuck in an abusive relationship and be denying it for the sake of "pride" or "commitment". Herein perhaps you will find some things that you can relate to. If nothing else, hopefully this site will open your eyes to potential traps. . .

IN THE MEANTIME - SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...

Could your relationship be abusive?

The first answer is Yes, it could. Way too many people dismiss things as "just the way s/he is", when it's very clearly abuse. Don't get me wrong. I'm not out to find abuse in every relationship. There are lots I can think of that are NOT abusive but still have problems. Problems are inevitable, and surmountable. ABUSE is a whole other ball of wax. Abuse requires rehabilitation and serious professional attention. If you are experiencing "marital" (whether you are actually married or not) difficulties, take a read through this page. If you can identify with even one of the "markers" here you may want to seek some professional advice.

DISCLAIMER from contributing author: I am not a formally educated counsellor. I do not propose that I can fix your life, or advise you on the best choices to make for improving your situation. I simply hope that by sharing my experience, you may either learn something you didn't know before, or have your eyes opened to things that are going on in your world that you have thus far denied or ignored. THE MAIN GOAL OF THIS ARTICLE IS TO OPEN YOUR EYES TO POSSIBLE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOURS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. There are many that go unnoticed, or at least completely denied because "it won't happen to me" syndrome is so rampant. IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU, AND IF YOU'RE NOT AWARE, IT MAY BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!

The point here is this... read up on the various forms of abuse, kids... it comes in many different shapes and sizes, and ALL OF IT IS WRONG!!!! You do not have to stay in an abusive relationship! And the sooner you get out the less time you'll have to spend fixing yourself...

Do you wonder what it would be like to HAVE a social life... Are you in a relationship that precludes spending time with anyone except your partner? If you are not "allowed" to go out with your friends, or alone, or if you have to "ask" for permission to do so, there is something wrong!

Do you get accused of extramarital affairs? I don't think anything sucks more than being accused of wanting to have sex with every man/woman on the planet, especially after your sex drive has been effectively decimated by a partner who doesn't respect you in the bedroom.

Does your partner stay out late regularly? Does s/he phone well after the time expected home and come up with some excuse why s/he's late, and then say "I'll be there soon" and not show up for hours? Or have you made plans to meet at a certain time and they don't show up, or they are so late you can't do what was planned?

Does your partner drive recklessly? Swear at every other driver on the road? Speed unnecessarily, particularly in the city? Do you feel safe driving in the same car?

Has your partner ever told you "no one will ever love you as much as I do"?

Do you ever wonder if you are alone with your thoughts and fears about relationships?

Do you ever think that maybe you are just imagining how bad your situation is because of all the media attention that abuse is getting these days?

Do you ever hear yourself saying...It's not THAT bad, really... except when..."?

Do your friends ever say..."You deserve better than that..."?

Have you ever heard your spouse say things you only thought they said in the movies...?

Have you caught yourself planning what you will do when you are OUT of THIS relationship?

Have you written a list of all you want in a partner, and noticed that your current one doesn't fit in there?

Is the lightbulb coming on now??

These are all things that happened to me while I was discovering that even I - "Ms. I-Won't-Take-Bull-From-Any-Man" - could fall into the trap of an insecure, controlling, manipulative, and ultimately abusive, partner. YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT! It doesn't matter if you are male or female, white or orange or black or green, Aethiest, Catholic, Wiccan or Buddhist; straight, gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered... You DO NOT HAVE TO STAY in a relationship that is destructive to your self-esteem, your self-image or your emotional and physical, or even financial, health.

EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY. If you are not happy, look at the reasons why. If you can change any of them, what is stopping you? Fear? Fear is a huge block for all of us. Facing that fear could change your life. Facing your fears, coming to terms with them, overcoming them - those are the keys to a happy life. Some of them may take years to deal with, why not start now? Some of them simply require a little kick in the butt from a total stranger. Well... what are you waiting for? Don't you deserve to be happy too?

If it ain't making you happy...

GET OUT!!!

...And that's all I have to say about that. (Thanks, Forrest... I love you!)

- posted by Anonymous

IMPORTANT:

Stories told here are by our visitors. Comments, suggestions and other content is also contributed by visitors. This area is not intended to provide a substitute for professional help when you need it. If you are experiencing trauma or abuse in your relationships, seek a counsellor, the police, a shelter, friends and other sources of support.