Should I Stay or Should I go Now?

COMMENT: Many people think that it's their duty to "stay" in a relationship, come hell or high water. WHAT is with that? We get into relationships that seem ok at the beginning, and then, because now we're "committed" we stay when our partner's true colours start showing. True colours that include abusive, degrading, misogynistic behaviours. If your partner's True Colours are that of a "Jerk of Gargantuan Proportions", you need to know that it's ok to get out. You need to know that you deserve to be treated with respect, dignity and loving kindness. (This also applies to Misandristic behaviours, gentlemen... we know you are not immune to abuse just because you're male)

RELATIVE EXPERIENCE: When I got married, I knew I was making a HUGE mistake. But by the time my turn came to walk down the aisle, I was so "committed" to "making it work" that there was no way I could be true to my instinct and run the other way. And besides, the wedding we were putting on was THE EVENT of the season. 200 people, and tons of build-up... and what an event it was. People STILL talk about it.

I had been through a number of relationships that I had given up on, and there was just NO WAY I could face giving up on this one - the biggest one yet, the M-word one. And yet, I'm walking down the aisle, singing to my partner, and all the while thinking.... "this man is a huge jerk, he doesn't really love me, he is on the path to hitting me, he needs serious professional help". WHAT IS WITH THAT!!!!???!?

So it took me 15 months to come to my senses. 15 months of name-calling, isolation, accusation, psychological warfare... 15 months of increasing violence... 15 months of decreasing self-esteem and respect. Thank the Universe I have friends who love me enough to make me give my head a shake. Friends who love me enough to be honest about what they are seeing happening to me. Friends who love me enough to still love me after I make such a huge mistake.

SUGGESTIONS: If you find yourself EVER thinking things like "I wish s/he wouldn't call me that", or "It scares me when s/he yells like that", or "If I lived alone I would do this...", or "I haven't seen my friends or family in a really long time, because my partner doesn't get along with them"... chances are good that you need to be OUT of your relationship. The old way, of "standing by your man (or woman)" in spite of the bad stuff, is precisely that... the OLD way. You do not have to stay in abusive, degrading, disrespectful relationships. You just don't. And if you're asking "what about the kids?", don't. The Kids don't need THAT kind of relationship modelling, or they are just gonna have to go through it all over again when they grow up.

IMPORTANT:

Stories told here are by our visitors. Comments, suggestions and other content is also contributed by visitors. This area is not intended to provide a substitute for professional help when you need it. If you are experiencing trauma or abuse in your relationships, seek a counsellor, the police, a shelter, friends and other sources of support.