 When
you choose your partner and commence a full-time relationship, you look
forward to a future of love, support, encouragement, communication and
intimacy. Right? After all, you are in love and you're both on your best
behavior--so how could there be any problems?
Learning how to establish and maintain a loving, supportive relationship
is much like creating a beautiful garden. It takes information, planning,
thought, skill, time, and most of all, attention. Like many gardeners,
you learn your skills and styles from your parents, close friends and
relatives. You watch them from the time you are little. They teach you
both your roles in a relationship, and how to play them, through their
example. This happens in every family and much of the teaching is unintentional
and unconscious. Many of you did not like what you saw and, yet, in your
poorest moments, you may behave just that way. In angry, tense times,
you revert to the ways you learned in those early days! No wonder your
relationships provide you with challenges that cause you to forget the
"honeymoon" period sometimes!
The good news is that you can learn how to have a full, rich, loving
relationship that allows each partner to express his/her thoughts, feelings,
wants, needs and vulnerabilities AND FEEL COMPLETELY SAFE!!
- You can learn
to be assertive (not aggressive) and to collaborate with your partners.
- You can learn to listen with your minds and hearts.
- You can learn
to fight
fair and resolve conflicts equitably and sanely.
- You can learn
to value and acknowledge both yourself and your partner.
- You can
learn to speak
from your hearts and be safe.
- You can learn to ask for what
you need and
want.
- You can learn to love more fully.
- You can learn to
DEEPEN your love.
It may take some unlearning, releasing habits,
fears and beliefs
that
are blocks to experiencing and expressing love but
YOU'RE WORTH
IT!
Remember, too, that you are teaching your children how to have
a relationship by the way you are conducting yours. What
would you like them to learn? What are you showing them every day?
Healthy relationships allow you to fully express yourself and fully expand
your capacity to love. Remember, most of your relationship skills are
caught, not taught. So, if
your relationship is not what you know it could be, there IS a remedy. You can learn new ways--if you are willing and
you really want to. What is it worth to you?
If love, acceptance, approval, respect, safety, trust, honesty, integrity,
and wholeness are what you want in your life, begin by giving these things
to yourself now so that you will have those gifts to bring to your relationships.
You cannot give a gift you do not have, can you?
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